Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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