I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
