even my farts smell like vagina
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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