How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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