It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
