just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
