So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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