I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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