My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
