You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
