good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
