I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
