Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
