butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
