I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
