Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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