i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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