Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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