so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
