im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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