So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
