i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
