It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
