i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
