Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
