oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
