I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
