True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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