i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
