Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Randomize
