I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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