bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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