Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
