I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
