I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
