Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
