I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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