you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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