I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
