Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
