I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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