your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
