Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
