totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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