I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
