i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
