I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
