there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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