My hair reeks of homosexuality.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
