if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
